Yesterday, on May 13 2017, I’ve celebrated my 31st birthday. In a time when I have trouble feeling confident about myself, this birthday was the biggest ego-push ever.
And I have you guys to thank for it.
I’m not gonna go into all the details of how I feel and why – the people closest to me know, my soldiers know most of it. But with my entire professional future being decided with four extremely rough tests in summer for which I still feel very unprepared, I’ve been super on-the-edge lately. It doesn’t help that I can barely motivate myself to study accordingly because it just feels like this unsurmountable hurdle in front of me that so many others seem to be able to take with ease while I just … can’t.
Cue my birthday.
I actually didn’t look forward to it at all. I feel that at 31, I have not achieved anything my social circles in Switzerland, one of the richest, most ambitious countries in the world (which shows from how society regards work and grinding) would consider worthwile. I’m 31, I’m in my second academic career (having prematurely ended the first one) after working an office job for a few years before. I should’ve probably gone into graphic design, my passion and temporary work these days, but alas. I have to finish it. But my birthday – I felt like I’m one year older with nothing to show for it.
The feeling that my channel just won’t grow no matter what I do didn’t help. I know, Twitch is a grind. But it’s a reflection of my life, partly: So many people believe in me. So many extraordinary chances have been handed to me on a platter, like the Twitch frontpage time. That’s something no unpartnered streamer ever gets, and I did. And nothing came from it. I didn’t explode, like some people expected or hoped. I felt like I had to accept the fact that I am not made for a larger audience.
Then I turned 31 at midnight. And you guys gave me this.
This is legitimately one of the most beautiful things that ever happened to me. This even beats last year’s video.
You guys really made me feel like I actually did achieve something. And you have no idea how thankful I am for that. Also, my closest friends and very specially the First Lady have presented me with one of the nicest birthdays I’ve ever had. I went to bed with a smile all over my face, although I was beyond drunk, which actually rarely happens.
I’ve been trying and working hard to make this channel what it is. You guys coming back, racking up that viewer count, being the beautiful, warm, welcoming and supportive family you are, makes my stream every single time.
Every. Single. Time.
So I could repeat how very thankful I am a thousand times over, but it’s pointless. Just please know that I am eternally grateful to serve with such a wonderful group of people so often, and I can’t wait to meet as many of you as possible (again) at this year’s Gamescom. We’ll be there Wednesday to Saturday, so make sure you come and keep notifications for my Twitter active!
I love every single one of you from the bottom of my heart.